Positivity Or Delusion?
It’s probably not the best time to be writing this as I’ve just finished a large Chicken Madras with Peshwari Nan and a pint of real ale but what the heck this blog is all about me dumping my thoughts whatever physical or emotional state I’m in. Regular readers must be real gluttons for punishment!
Anyway here’s whats running round my head tonight. Over the past two or three years I’ve transformed myself from a pretty depressed pessimist with next to zero self confidence into an independent confident ‘entrepreneur’ (OK that’s a bit of a stretch but kind of true). Now I’d like to say that this transformation was carefully planned and perfectly executed but it wasn’t. As I mentioned in one of my posts a while back I just woke up one day and thought ‘sod this for a game of soldiers I need to change things’. It’s been a long and expensive road and as yet I have little to show for it apart from my new found confidence and a certain knowledge that I can never go back. On paper right now things look a bit bleak. The first month and a half of this year have been draining financially and emotionally, my business is not bringing in enough income and the enforced (albeit welcome) move to a bigger rental property have increased outgoings. So am I depressed? Am I losing sleep wondering how we’re going to pay the bills and how I’m ever going to finish ‘Gleda’? Well no, I’m not. So here’s the question I asked in the title of this post positivity or delusion?
Now I’m guessing that a number of you reading this will think it’s the latter but I’d have to disagree, because everything I’ve learned over the past few years tells me that there’s absolutely no reason why I can’t make it. I’m (reasonably) intelligent, I have the tools, I have the knowledge, it’s just a matter of applying them. I say ‘just’ but actually that’s the biggy, that’s the thing that stops most people from achieving their goals. We’re conditioned to look for excuses, reasons why we can’t just knuckle down and do the work. I’ve battled with those demons for too long and up to now it didn’t matter because I could get away with it. Not now though, my back’s to the wall and there’s only one thing to do, crack on and make things happen.
As for delusion well the only people who will really think I’m delusional will be those that haven’t made it themselves, who let the excuses block the way. They don’t want to see anyone else succeed because it’ll force them to face up to the truth, so they’ll say anything to try and knock me off track. Well they can try but I’m not listening, I’ve said it already, 2011 is my year just you see.