I’ve not felt like writing for a while. I’ve worked on the boat, I’ve been trying to learn more Spanish. It’s been very hot. We’ve entertained, had some visitors. You know how it is. Life gets in the way.
But truth be told those are simply excuses. I haven’t written because I just didn’t feel like it. I’ve not written because self-doubt stopped me.
I bang on a lot about freedom. I’m know I’m lucky to have it.
I’m free to write or not write. I’m free to express my thoughts and feelings or to keep my mouth shut.
I’ve asked myself many times why do I blog. Who cares if I do or if I don’t? Who am I to think I have anything of worth to say?
The answer has always been the same. I blog because I want to. No-one is forced to read my ramblings. Do I hope some people will? Yes of course. Do I hope to encourage people to be more open minded and true to themselves? Absolutely.
But I go out of my way to avoid any pompous preaching. The world is already overcrowded with people forcing their opinions onto others. People who cannot hear anything for the sound of their own rage. I have no interest in joining that kind of madness.
No, ultimately my blog is just me trying to make some sense of the world through words. I’d write those posts even if the site had no visitors.
My recent writing about people drowning in the Mediterranean and about people deserving better proved that some people do read my blog. It also proved that even my humble and simplistic scribblings have some power.
I expected some reaction. I didn’t expect such extreme ones.
Not all came via the blog. Some were made in person, others came by email. Some comments I refused to approve for publication.
On the positive side I was congratulated and thanked.
On the negative side someone close to me said “people like you will facilitate the destruction of Western society”.
I’ve said it before. I write from the heart and most of the time I’m rewarded for it. But I’d forgotten that it’s also dangerous. Wearing your heart on your sleeve makes it vulnerable. This time it took a hit. I said earlier that I’d stopped writing out of self-doubt. Self-preservation would be a more accurate description.
The bruising will heal. I’m strong enough to take some knocks. I just need a little time out that’s all.
So in the meantime I’ll take it easy. I’ll focus on the good stuff. It’s Summer. I live on a boat in a beautiful place. I’m living the dream.
OK the world seems to be going to hell in a handcart but as the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said.
Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us.
I should remember that.
I also need to remember an important truth I discovered a while back.
Feelings come from thought, not from other people or circumstances.
Your thoughts are not you. They’re just thoughts passing through.
Thoughts and feelings are like the weather.
Clouds cover the sky, storms roll in. Thunder crashes, lightning flashes. It feels like the world is ending. But it’s only weather. It’ll pass. The blue sky is still there, the sun is still shining.
There’s just a bit of cloud cover right now.
Catch you later when it clears.