Chasing A Mirage
I wrote the other day about my feelings that this year had yet to start. It seems a ridiculous thing to say because we’re already into the second quarter however the continued winter weather has only served to reinforce this feeling of being somehow in limbo, of waiting for things to happen.
Spring is heralded as the season of new growth, animals come out of hibernation, daffodils blossom and add a much needed splash of bright colour to the grey landscape, buds start to appear on the trees, the warmer weather encourages folks outside to breath in the fresh air and to feel the warm sun again.
This seasonal re-awakening has taken on increased importance for me this year as it’s coincided with a personal re-awakening.
All through the Winter I’ve worked as hard as I could to try and make the coming year the one that saw the start of a new life. The year when I returned to the sea in a boat built by my own hands, the year when I could really start to make my dreams real.
It wasn’t enough..
There’s an old saying that goes something like “failing to plan is planning to fail” and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
All through this project I’ve plodded along, head down doing what I could when I could with no thought given to the end. It was simply too far away.
Then at the end of last year I looked up and there on the horizon I could see it, I could see Gleda on the water, sails set, cutting through the blue water as dolphins danced around her bows. The sight lifted my heart and I quickened my pace with renewed energy keen to tell the world that soon I’d reach my destination.
In the months that followed I continued to focus on that vision but gradually I began to realise that for all my efforts I didn’t seem to be getting closer to it at all, and then with a sickening feeling in my stomach the reality hit me……. I was chasing a mirage, it wasn’t as close at it looked, it was way beyond the horizon, my journey was not over. I’d completely miscalculated, I’d failed to plan and now I could see things as they really were.
It crushed me, I felt like a failure, I’d let myself be fooled, I’d been stupid and worse I’d convinced others that my vision was real, they’d made plans, they were excited, they believed in me. Now I was going to have to tell them that I’d been wrong.
This realisation led to me making one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make since I started the project and it hurt me badly but here’s the thing sometimes pain can be a good thing, it wakes from your stupor, you learn from it and you come back from it stronger, renewed.
The decision is made, Gleda will now be launched in May 2014.
Others wiser than me will have seen this coming, here are some comments from recent weeks:
Again: “Man Plans, God laughs”.
“Don’t rush it, my friend! Work on a boat is much easier on land than on the water!”
“Maybe the dead lines and constraints you put on yourself are too high?”
From Beat Again: “You’re getting an early lesson in your transition to the sailing life where plans are sketchy letterings in the sand at low tide!”
So this month I will be putting what I’ve learned into practice by reviewing, taking stock and planning.
For me 2013 is just about to start and this time I’m going to do it right.
I’ve learnt my lesson and now I have one more chance to succeed. The Gleda Project was never just about building a boat, the time has come to show it.
An appropriate tweet appeared in my timeline this afternoon.
“The best time to start was last year. Failing that, today will do” – @chrisguillebeau